Integrity
Integrity
It seems the notion of being a person of integrity is rather old fashioned. Your word is your bond in a world where people have short memories and are told they didn’t hear or see what they did see and hear.
In a world where conspiracy theories abound, integrity seems in short supply. Integrous people annoy those who have none. You are an example of what they know deep down they could be.
Devoting myself to a life of integrity proved harder than I imagined. The first question to grapple was what does it mean to be a person of integrity? I had to dive beyond the notion of personality and into the world of soul.
Who am I if not a soul inside a body? And what does soul and integrity have to do with one another?
By soul I mean that part of us that gives life. What is that part of us that brings life and then when it leaves we die? What is that essence? In my mind that is soul. Soul isn’t personality with all its likes and dislikes, cares and concerns, worries, issues of trust, and fears.
Soul is beyond personality. It is defined as the spiritual or immaterial part of a human being or animal, regarded as immortal. I believe the soul strengthens with each step towards integrity.
In our current world of personalities a person with integrity is an annoyance, a bother and someone to put down, debase, defame and gossip about. I can tell you first hand, it’s what people do.
Being a person of integrity won’t make you rich, or beautiful, or popular. It will challenge you in the deepest areas of life.
Let me tell you a story.
In graduate school, I became acquainted with a classmate. We became friends when we were hired as actors for a summer Shakespeare festival.
Hired to play several parts in three Shakespeare plays, we also danced and did simple juggling or magic tricks prior to each performance. We met many actors from across the country and both of us became involved with new boyfriends during the ten-week intensive festival.
My relationship eventually fell apart, but hers strengthened and they got engaged and a year later they married. I was happy for her.
At this time I lived in Chicago and after finishing my thesis manifesto, I wanted a job in theater. My friend and I decided to go on an audition tour of American Theaters. We contacted and set up auditions and meetings in regional theaters throughout the Midwest.
Driving my faded yellow ’72 VW bug, we accomplished 10 auditions in 10 theaters from Indiana to Kentucky, Tennessee, Alabama, Mississippi, Arkansas, Texas, Oklahoma, Kansas and Missouri, and Nebraska. No job offers but it was amazing experience.
I got a job teaching voice and speech at a university through a generous and supportive family connection. I taught for a year. However, I felt I was out gunned in that environment. I declined to accept a second year contract and moved to Minnesota. My father was aging and I could live near him in case anything might happen. Also, I felt I’d have a better chance to get acting jobs in a smaller market.
My newlywed friend and her husband choose to move there also. It was a good decision as it was a growing advertising market. With a little effort one could get known and with that get work. We got work in commercials, industrials and in local theatre productions.
Unfortunately her marriage collapsed rather quickly. I was there for her to get an annulment and pick up the pieces. She went through rehab and I was there. She had times she’d call me to help her with her car or water damage in her apartment, and I was there. So, when she decided to move to Los Angels and start a new career as an administrator for a rehab hospital, I was excited.
But when she reminded me I had a brother that lived in LA, then told me to give her my brother’s address that she’d keep in touch with me through him I balked.
I said, “Keep in touch with me through me, I’m your friend.” She held out her hand saying nothing. I said again, “I’m your friend.”
It was clear she only wanted my brother’s address. I gave it to her and wished her well and left.
She never wrote me in the four plus years I remained in Minnesota. After my father passed away and when I finally saw that I was retreating to a life that wasn’t moving me either spiritually or mentally (this is another of those 'gifts' integrity gives, you see where you are stuck) I moved to Los Angeles.
I stayed with my brother for three months while I found work and a place to live. My friend, who now lived in the valley, (not more than a forty minute drive to where I was living) didn’t call me but wrote to me.
She didn’t call or try to reach me any other way but wrote a letter c/o my brother. I didn’t respond.
She’d proved she was not a friend and only wanted me for what I could give. That is an employee/employer relationship not a friendship. I wasn’t interested in an employee/employer relationship. I had been fooled that she and I were friends. By her actions we weren’t. Okay, good to know.
My action, in not responding, could be interpreted as cold hearted. I saw it as an issue of integrity. I had dealt with her honestly and above board, she didn’t regard me as valuable. That’s like dating someone who only wants to be seen with you, or have you pay for everything. It’s an unequal relationship. It can damage integrity.
Integrity is not a done deal; it is always up for grabs. If I’m not rigorous with my word it's only a question of when I will fall, not if I will fall. It’s not exciting or dynamic to be a person of integrity. With integrity you are not trying to make promises you can’t keep. You under promise and over deliver. No excitement there.
The excitement and attention goes to the one breaking their word, the law, living large and doing it their way. The one who grabs what they can, whenever they want and however they want. It hypnotizes, mesmerizes and compels.
In Greek mythology, the term Aite refers to ‘ruin, folly or delusion” It is the action committed by a hero or heroine, often because of hubris, that leads to their downfall.
I’m not surprised when a certain type of celebrity falls. It is in their behavior, which grows with bravado. I think we need to help both them and ourselves by not getting caught up in the hype.