Jealousy and Sabotage

Jealousy is a common emotion. Everyone experiences it. A friend gets a promotion, pay raise, new lover, new car, new clothes, new, well, you catch my drift. First we admire then this iron fist grabs our stomach and we are trapped in thoughts most of us never want to admit race through our heads. I've come to embrace my jealousies and not deny them because I've seen the damage suppressed jealousy does to people and relationships.

F Scott Fitzgerald and Zelda come to mind. F Scott wrote 'The Great Gatsby' and society opened up to him. He was praised by critics and adored by the martini crowd. He had a beautiful wife, Zelda. But his wife harbored a suppressed jealousy and how she sabotaged F Scott was subtle. He was to write his second book, and received a large advance from his publisher. But Zelda liked to party and wasn't one to party alone. With or without F Scott she was going to drink and be with people.

Being a writer is a lonley profession. A writer needs time to write. This is obvious when I say it but writing happens one word at a time, no more and no less. A writer needs discipline to sit in that lonely chair and create. Boring stuff for a spouse of a writer. Zelda wasn't one to love boredom. So, F Scott's writing took a back seat to Zelda's need for excitement. Yeah.

I've experienced jealousy and sabotage from my friends and lovers. I've had to train myself to recognize the signs and learn to grant compassion for myself and the other in the whirlwind of jealousy. If I don't I will get trapped just as easily as the other in horrid behaviors. Much like Zelda